The Power of Teamwork

Some of my favorite times in college were in the locker room messing with my teammates. Those were some of the closest relationships of my life. Many of those guys were in my wedding. My oldest son is named after one of them. After college most moved away and started a family. That is when I first felt all alone. But I have built a new team for myself: I have coaches, teammates, and I am a coach to many now. My new team of MEN are my closest male relationships.

This week we covered the "All Alone Wound". It is a social, emotional  and spiritual loss caused by the lack of healthy male teammates.

The consequences from this wound are: 1. a warped perspective on life. You don't have an accurate picture of yourself, you need feedback from trusted teammates to get an accurate picture. 2. The potential for careless living and foolish choices. Who do you surround yourself with? Who really knows you? You are an average of the people you associate with. 3. A lost chance for much needed transparency. You need confidants that can understand you and help you.

Who are your teammates? Do you need teammates? Here are some ways to build health teammates. 1. Learn how to be a loyal teammate who encourages others. You are there no matter what. 2. Learn how to ask good questions and take genuine interest in others. Maintain a healthy balance of talking and listening. 3. Be willing to be vulnerable and transparent  You need relationships that move beyond the surface and get to the soul level. 4. Initiate with other men. This takes courage.

Who are your mentors/coaches? Wisdom is the ability to learn form the experience of others with out having to face the consequences yourself. You need their hindsight to be your foresight. In the seasons of growth of my life I had mentors investing in me. Mentors want the best in you even when you cant see it in yourself.

Who are you investing in? Who is your protege? If you are ready for this in your life there are countless teenage boys, young husbands, young fathers who need someone to help them along the journey to Authentic Manhood. You have the opportunity to give back and invest in others. Most often times the most influential person in a kids life is their friend's parents. Be someone with character and skills that they can admire.

We all need someone to mentor/coach us along the way. We need teammates that are at our level and know what we are going through. We all need to give back to someone and be a mentor/coach. What are you going to do today to influence someone to be a better man.

Remember Authentic Men: 1. Reject Passivity 2. Lead Courageously 3. Accept Responsibility 4. Invest Eternally

The Mother Wound

This week we covered the "Mother Wound": an unhealthy, emotional relationship with mom that causes a son to either be threatened by the influence of women later in life or to over identify and become submissive to the influence of women. Moms don't intentionally wound their sons this way, it most often unintentional viewed only as showing love to her son. Men with the mother wound will either be dominate or passive towards women. 

Four types of moms that contribute to the mother wound:

1. The unintentional mom: she is oblivious to her son's needs to connect with other men. 2. The hurting mom: a woman who has lost emotional connection with her husband and she makes up for this by over connecting to her son. 3. The unwilling to release mom: often times, these moms have dominate personalities and they simply love to be in control. 4. The fill in the gap mom: this can lead to over connection and dependence if the son doesn't have strong male mentors. 

Jesus and His mom: if you read mark 3:20-21; 31-35 and John 19:25-27 you will see that Jesus set up healthy boundaries for her, showed love for her, and showed her proper respect. 

Many men are "mama boys" and need an emotional separation from her to begin the transition into manhood. Men need to set up healthy boundaries. 

My mom taught me so many things, she is a magnificent Godly woman. But due to the absence of my Dad she had to over compensate in other areas God did not intend but she did this out of love. My mom was hurting, unwilling to release, and had to fill in the gap. Through several very tough conversations healthy boundaries have been set up and I appreciate her respecting my word in these areas. I wouldn't trade my mom for anything in the world and I love her dearly. I truly appreciate all the sacrifices she made for me. 

Now what? We have covered some tough things in the last 2 weeks: the Father wound and the Mother wound. Now it is time for healing in week #4. Make sure to be there.